This isn't spam or a bullshit chain letter. I was just sitting around and I had two sudden realizations:

1. I love the winter.
2. I have not written any articles for Mike in ...years?

Well, here we go!

I love the winter. The winter is my favorite time of year. I even moved 1900 miles (roughly 1200 miles north of my previous location) just so I could live further north where I could enjoy longer winters.

(In the notorious style of David Lettermen)

10. In the winter, if you are cold just add more layers. You can only take off so many clothes in the summer until you are standing there naked, sunburned with people laughing/gawking at you.

9. The women can't tell how out of shape or fat I am because we all look fat in our thick winter jackets.

8. Snowboarding/skiing.

7. My a/c is removed...but the heater works!

6. If you don't like someone you can throw a bucket of water on their car doors in the middle of the night and enjoy the show in the morning.

5. Christmas and New Years Eve are far superior to the Easter bunny and Labor day.

4. Watching people crash their cars is fun on the snow. No one gets hurt and they look even more stupid for losing control when they were only traveling at 5 mph.

3. Fat women/men can't wear spandex or daisy dukes.

2. Fat women/men who do wear spandex or daisy dukes in the winter won't be doing it anymore when they come down with pneumonia (in which case they either will be out of sight for several weeks or may even croak! Egad!)

1. RAIL!!!!* What more needs be said?

-Patrick

*(Editor's note: "Rail!" is an inside joke that eventually evolved into the name of a website. Rough translation: "Ha! You slipped on the ice and fell on your ass!" Maybe I'll define this in the About section later...)