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I am More than a Strip Club!

By MaximumTacolord - 10-30-06

Iím sick of all the strip club ads in the Onion. There I am, sitting around chuckling to the picture of a pig riding a donkey thatís driving an SUV. Only when I turn the page Iím forced to stare into the glare of an angry stripper woman with star nipples.

What do you think women around me are thinking while Iím reading this before class?

ďOh, I thought that was a nice guy, only it turns out heís just another male demographic aged 17-30.Ē

Come on, the ad about dollar drinks? Are these guys trying to ruin me? I donít want my female colleagues to know Iím cheap until a wonderful or incredibly dreadful evening, at least then my first impression can allow me a swing in the batterís box! Afterwards, who cares if she finds out I blew $10 on drinks before the date?

Occasionally the ads for local events arenít that bad, theyíre sure to be as popular as they are intellectually stimulating. Sadly, these things are so rare that when they do occur, theyíre usually dwarfed by the giant picture of ďLittle Kiss,Ē an all little people tribute band to Kiss. Iím not sure whatís worse, the fact my demographic would be into a novelty band featured on the ďDaily Show,Ē the fact marketers think Iíd care about a bunch of old farts getting ďtribute,Ē or the fact I actually remember Little Kiss being on the Daily Show. But, itís for the best I guess, most of those ads make me look like a pompous ass anyway. Looking like a pervert with a thing for tiny people probably helps more with chicks at a college than wearing a monocle and wearing a sweater-vest.

It isnít all bad though, with Halloween around the corner, the ads finally highlight something me and onlookers can have in common, dressing up like a French maid to get spanked for candy. And who doesnít like spankings and candy? Still, donít you wish advertisers would give a little more thought to those Iím trying to impress around me?

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