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Fans Outraged Favorite Starving Poet Used Book Sales to Buy Food

By MaximumTacolord - 05-29-06

NEW YORK- Local poets and café goers feel the pains of betrayal and doubt the meaning of art after local upstart poet Emily Plath was sighted purchasing bread, soy milk, and condiments.

“I can’t believe this, it’s like Emily pissed in the art world’s eye,” said Bob Kazenzakis, regular patron of the Zen Diner. “Not only was she buying food, but she got soy milk, that stuff is at least a dollar more than normal milk.”

“Truly an outrage, I don’t think I’ll be able to enjoy another steak at 'The Beat’s Cube Café,'” Jin Rolands said. “We fell in love with a local poet who’s body was so frail from malnutrition we thought her to be an aspiring model, not an artist. By her second reading, I'd wait through dozens of god awful poets just to listen to her read new material or classics like, 'My Landlord Wants Money or Sex by the First.' But what'll she do without her gimmick, spitting blood on her notes and those closest to the stage as she talks? That made the experience! We all felt closer to the page knowing the same fluid that wrote and stained the poem, also dried on our table."

"Allen Ginsberg would be ashamed of her actions, the dude tried to live off a dime," said billionaire Bill Gates, who'd commonly fly from Seattle in his personal 'Bat Wing' just to listen to Emily read. "She must be eating at least 10 dollars of food a week! What will she write now, 'waking up to organic toast and finding happiness through java programming?'"

Emily Plath was upset by these accusations and had this to say, “Why else would I publish a book? Only famous poets with several publications are paid to read. Everyone else just floods the hot spots, weakening already silent voices trying to out shout soft spoken legends like Saul Williams. It isn’t like our books or journal submissions stand a chance against him and his staff of lawyers, publicists, and MTV backing. So public readings are all we have. Only small local scenes never attract attention and not all poets are spoken word.”

Emily reads from "Dumpster 
Lunch Box"

“To make matters worse, these rich yuppies keep making things harder for poets and other artists,” Emily said. “They flood any popular spot someone makes a name in. Either to make their own or take in the culture. While they do this, every landlord and shop keeper adds digits to their prices forcing all the artists into slums miles away. What right do they have criticizing us? What, because they offered to buy us a coffee some day?”

”Emily’s health is pretty bad,” said Dr. Philippe, resident at the local clinic. “She still can’t afford to get any real help, but at least she can get a decent diet now. Though I don’t know how she’ll be able to keep it up. No way am I going to buy that sellout’s next book.

To think I stood in line for over an hour to get her to sign her first one. I never thought I would live to see another true great; she dashed those hopes by proving to be just another phony. And what am I supposed to do with all her used medical equipment, no one in their right mind will buy it on eBay now."

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