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Hip-Hop, First Marketing Group to Target Fairies

By MaximumTacolord - 07-10-06

For awhile, no one saw a need to generate marketing campaigns towards fairies. Billboards just couldn’t be seen very far in the forest and Chinese children had trouble making those tiny outfits with wing holes.

But Hip-Hop Marketing Inc. has decided no pocket was too small stating, “If our factory laborer can’t say no, why should we?”

“Fashion is really about influence,” a spokeswoman from Hip-Hop Inc said. “Not ours, but the wearer. You see, the more influence you have, the more pressure we put on you. Originally, fairies were just in unread fantasy novels. But now that children’s cartoons and women’s flesh are depicting them daily, we’d be fools not to cash in on their increased value! Besides, there aren’t any suburbs left to buy our stuff, naturally the forest is the next step.”

“It won’t be long before forest trends start affecting urban areas,” Professor of Fashionology, Helen Thomas said. “So city corporations are striving to market to the forest before the forest hits the city. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone didn’t have at least one tree in their backyard by 2010. And when it happens, city designers will already have trees on hand to sell!”

It doesn’t take a Masters degree in social trends and several mysterious self confessing memos to realize the forest is already the target of a new ad campaign. It used to be you couldn’t go into a wooded area without tripping over a drunk hobo, a dead drug dealer, or teenagers learning the birds and the bees. That’s all changed. Giant speakers echo from the tree tops, chart toppers drown out even the loudest of bird mating songs. Hot confederate fairies fly everywhere, wearing the jackets that nearly fall of their wings every time they flap often preventing their use. Their well toned and surgically altered bodies have already inspired hundreds of eating disorders in an area that never experienced them before. Making avoiding predators, butterfly collectors and the transformers, even more difficult than before. 
Even the tree bark has been transformed, with adds scratched in the side claiming, “Jenni heart Bling 4 life.” The trees altered by spray paint are so thick, that mammals know this is Hip-Hop territory now as they starve to death.

“You know, it isn’t just the forest or the city that profits, but everybody,” Hip Hop Inc. said. “The other day, when a factory went on a hungry strike because the workers couldn’t afford food anymore. The police put that down in minutes. Man, a bunch of starving single mothers are no match for bullets. That’s trickle down theory in action. Give a little money to a corporation and suddenly everyone is working again: bullet presses, gun powder refinement, scabs, you name it! I’m sure there are effects we don’t even know about! Think about the possibilities.”

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