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Dating Tips and Advice from Your Uncle
Frosty
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By Frosty
- 08-07-04
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Dating is a tough topic, and really can't be
covered in a single article, but I will put as much as I can into
this for your benefit. The best place to start is hygiene. Really,
if you have an odor about you that can kill most livestock just by
walking within a hundred feet of you, perhaps you should consider
bathing. Cleanliness is important to a lot of females, and how you
appear is important. First impressions do make a lasting
impression. Just like they always say, you don't get a second
chance to make a first impression. A little "smell good"
never hurt either. Even if you are really picky, there are a lot
of different types of cologne you can get. Some are a bit pricey,
but worth the cash, if you like them. They can even be purchased
in just about any typical mall. Stores like Hecht's, Kohl's,
Sears, and others provide reasonable prices on most of their
colognes. Also if you do choose to go the "smell good"
route, please do yourself a favor and don't use it to cover up
other smells. Usually the outcome is disastrous. You could end up
smelling like "the crap of eternity", or like "an
old dirty bastard". There are also some guys who haven't
quite been taught yet so I will bring it up and save some of you
embarrassment in the future. Deodorant is a good idea for most of
you, especially if you perspire. Several types - spray on, roll
on, heat activated and so on. Oral hygiene is important,
especially if you plan on kissing anyone. Nothing like kissing
someone and thinking (damn what died in their mouth), so you can
avoid that. Besides it might prove to be refreshing to kiss
someone with minty breath. A quick tip on kissing, take your time,
do it slowly and don't rush, the results will be fantastic.
Next item on the list is.......... the 'drobe.
Wardrobe is a reflection of your personality to an extent. They
say clothes don't make the man, but in reality the do tell things
about the man. Let's face it, if you go on a date wearing that
wrinkly t-shirt that with the "I want to touch your ass"
logo and the beer stains on it, that you've been wearing for the
last 2 weeks without washing, chances are your going to be alone
for a good time to come. On the other hand, you don't have to be a
male model and wear designer clothes either. Wear clothes that you
feel comfortable in, and are somewhat presentable. You never know,
your date might want to go get dinner at a nice restaurant.
Sometimes you might go to the closet and discover most things
don't fit, some stuff is terribly outdated, and you have no room
because of the items you don't ever even wear. You know, those
clothes hanging up only because you never wear them so they are
the only clothes still on hangers in there in the back. Take some
time and just try that stuff out. If you don't like it or aren't
comfortable in them, put them in a box or a bag and take them to
Goodwill, or the Salvation Army. Sometimes it is hard to part with
that favorite item you have had for 6 years and it now resembles
something worn at a Toga party, after the party is over. As you
are parting with it, think about the cool new stuff you can get.
There is a lot to be said for new items, aside from not having the
same shirt and jeans every single day, it can help give you some
flair and edge. Sales are important, but I know a lot of you don't
save cash to shop at the off season sales, so just check places
that have good clearance sales near the end of the season. Target
has pretty nice duds for a reasonable price. Old Navy has nice
apparel for good prices as well. You would be amazed at the
results a pair of Khaki pants and a nice shirt can do for you.
Combine that with a bit of "smell good", and you have a
combination that is sure to have a chemical reaction, purely a
science.
For all the skaters out there, the skate
shoes with the missing area that used to be the skate patch may
not be the best to wear on dates. (I know it is a bit of who you
are, but sometimes you have to be able to clean up well too, I was
a skater for many years. Sometimes hop on a stick and thrash old
school. All you 'switchstance kids' out there, that’s pretty
damn amazing.) Just get a pair of sneaks that you force yourself
not to thrash in. I also know it's hard to resist temptation to
grab an innocent noobie’s board and kickflip 180 varial to nose
stall - shove it off the planter bricks, but stick to your guns.
Socks and underwear - a topic most guys avoid. Understandably so,
but still has to be talked about. It's a dirty job, but someone
has to do it. As far as underwear, clean is a must. Turning them
inside out for the "extended wear" just isn't gonna fly.
Wash those things with lots of bleach, laundry detergent and
fabric softener. That's right, I said the "F" word,
fabric softener. About $4.00 for a good smelling fabric softener
will do for many loads. If you coin wash, as I do, you will also
benefit from using the liquid laundry detergent for many reasons.
First, it takes a while for the dry soap to
actually dissolve into the water - time eaten up out of your $1.25
wash job. Second, you get those unsightly laundry detergent clumps
on you black jeans that takes several washes to get out. They also
make containers for the liquid detergent that you can just press
the dispenser to pour it into the wash, for the lazy aspect you
can just set it above your washer and voila, you’re washin’.
Those socks you wear in the mud outside without shoes get really
soiled. To remedy this you can either wear shoes, which might
detract from your fun of sock surfing after it rains, or just
throw them in a bucket of warm water and bleach a few hours before
you wash. Then they will come clean when you do wash.
Socks - pulling socks to your knees are a
bit out dated, but if that is what you prefer, go for it. They
have good ankle socks that go well with many ensembles, and it
won't kill you to get a pair or two of dress socks for that casual
occasion. You don't have to rush out and buy the dress socks that
have dogs or kites on them, but you can get some nice black ones,
or even carry it a step farther and get some that match the color
of your slacks. New socks are good for you as they fit, and also
provide a good source of support. Think about it, you stand and
walk a lot of your day. Spend a little on your feet. So far it has
been my experience that dressing well goes farther than bumming it
all the time, and you don't have to dress up for every date, some
dates you can actually bum, just do it with taste.
Even if you're punk far beyond the realm of
the mainstream, a new set of clothes often outshines the older
ones.
Ties - Most females I have talked to and
spent time with think ties are sexy, and in an upcoming poll, I
will survey random women for their thoughts on clothing just to
illustrate my point. A dress shirt and a tie will go pretty far.
If you get a couple of ties, you can make a nice addition to just
about any slacks and shirts. I could go for much longer on the
clothing issue but I will cut this short as we have some other
important items to get to.
Hair - so many different styles and
preferences. Long, short, scraggly and many more. I used to have
long hair, but long hair just didn't work for me as well as having
a shorter clean cut. Seriously, I barely got noticed, but when I
cut my hair, I had women following me in stores, and even when I
went into the music section that their parents would have bought,
they still followed, so there is a lot to be said for a haircut.
To have one, even if it is only trimming a half inch off of the
length of really long hair, it makes your hair grow, removes dead
and split ends, and makes it "behave" better. With
somewhat shorter hair you can use some "product", and
achieve almost any style. I have tried many different types of
hair products. It is important to find what you prefer, and works
well. For the ultimate hold you can get "Got 2 B" glue,
or "Spikers" hair glue, they are water resistant for
that 'get in the swimming pool, swim, then get out with your hair
just the way it was before swimming'. Well almost that good.
Depending on the amount you use, it can be really hard and
definitely take a while to get out, but will also hold up in some
tropical storms. Then there is a less obvious looking product by
"Paul Mitchell" called sculpting lotion. It is good for
giving some hold, but keeping your hair looking dry and natural.
"Dep" is a pretty good all around gel, you can spike,
washes easily and smells okay. Plus they don't do animal testing
if that is important to you. Pomade is an interesting product,
gives you shine, and stays wet the whole day. If you prefer stiff
hair, this is not the best selection as it actually gets softer
throughout the day. If you use "product" often, you
should also consider using a conditioner after your shampoo which
will help keep your hair from getting into a state of disrepair.
Now that we have the look and smell, the
next thing we need to shed some light on is the dwelling. Although
you usually don't get to that portion of dating right away, it is
still good to have the general ideas in place. Everyone has their
own personal taste, but even if you like Dragons and Death, you
can decorate 'tastefully'. Just be organized, confine messes to
containers. Rubbermaid containers work well, and you can cart them
out to the shed or a storage unit with ease. Plus they are vermin
proof and keep your stuff dry. If you have stuff that really isn't
getting used, you can box it up and store it, sell it, or if you
must, keep it laying about. From experience, in your living space,
less is most definitely more. The less stuff you have just
randomly laying about, the less cluttered it will appear
(organization goes a long way). But on the flip side, a balance is
definitely needed. With no decorations at all, your place might
look fairly institutional. Pictures are a step in a good
direction. If you have posters that just don't deserve the poster
roll in the closet, get nice frames and hang them. You can get
reasonable picture frames and put pictures or art work (all those
dragons and such), in the frames, and that covers decoration and
gives your place a personal touch. Trash should definitely be
taken out, vacuuming once in a while at least helps. That way you
can walk across the carpet in your socks without stains and
getting stuck or stepping in a pile of who knows what. A little
windex, and some paper towels go far toward cleaning up. Although
the initial cleaning can suck, after that you can get into a
groove and it is much easier to maintain. From then on out, it's
the cliché of "clean a little as you go", and you are
home free.
For motivation, music and or friends can
help in that area. You might also consider getting a house plant
such as a philodendron (ivy), they take a beating and abuse, and
usually live to tell. They are cheap, or if you know someone with
one, you can cut a section of it and place the end you cut into a
cup with water. In a little over a week you will see roots
beginning to grow. Then you can go get a pot (K-Mart works well
for this, they usually have really cheap pots there), and a small
bag of potting soil. Get a pot that has a drainage hole in the
bottom and a reservoir that catches the run off. If you don't know
what this is, just ask someone and they can help you. Put some
soil about 2 inches of soil in the bottom, then take your ivy, and
put it into the pot. Hold it up, and cover the roots with the
soil. Then fill the pot with soil until it is about a half inch
below the rim of the pot, while holding up the ivy. Then set the
ivy where you want it and water it. You can let the ivy go without
water for some time, but when the leaves start to curl and get
soft, you should water it. A good unit of measure is about every 2
weeks or even every 3 weeks. Overwatering will kill it. Candles
are a good "set the mood" item, especially if you plan
to entertain. There are so many to choose from. Scented, shaped,
coloured, gel, floating, tapers, pillars, tea lights, and many
more. I will go more in depth on this subject in an upcoming
column.
Location, location, location......
Where to go, or not go. In the "getting
to know you" stage, movies aren't the best, as you can't talk
much, and you could go to the movies with just about anyone.
Public places are good, as you really don't know the person well
yet, and they are safe. Coffee is a good start. Places like Barnes
and Nobles, have books and coffee so you can browse while enjoying
that latte. Dinners aren't bad, but just a warning there. If you
take your date to Hardee's or other fast food for the early dates
you might get smacked, or worse, they just might think you are a
cheap skate. You can find things to do that don't cost large sums
of money, but get you out and about as well. Chivalry isn't dead,
and most people actually appreciate it. If you can afford to,
think about at least offering to pay. If you do, cool, just doing
the polite and gentlemanly thing. I live the Gentlemanly thing. It
is work and sometimes takes sacrifices, but a great way to be. You
probably will find that your date wants to at least get the tip,
or even pay sometimes. Which is nice. True relationships are a
partnership, in which both partners work together. Things you can
actively do are fun as well. Putt putt, bowling, go karts, walks,
and other random outings are good. If you do the dinner thing,
things that might not be the best first stages of dating foods
are: pizza, spaghetti, soups, and anything else that can be messy
like finger foods. Just not the most attractive appearance, and
you can do that later in the relationship.
It is important in dating to have an idea of
what you are looking for. While it is important to have some
common interests, being exactly the same would suck. It would be
really boring. Just think of it like the teeth on gears that are
supposed to spin together. If the teeth are exactly alike they
grind, but if they are even slightly different they will mesh and
turn together. You spend a lot of time trying to be someone else,
then you spend even longer getting to know the real person you
have been dating all that time. Being yourself is important, as
your partner will like you for who you are. Honesty is a huge
must. Why lie? It will just cause grief later on. Be kind and
don't hurt people if you can avoid it. Sometimes you can't but if
you can, try to keep from hurting people. If you aren't interested
in someone that is interested in you, be nice, but let them know
so you don't really hurt them later on after they have become
attached to you. Likewise if you are unhappy or are being treated
badly, you don't have to stay. I have been there, but there is
someone for you out there who wants what you do and will treat you
nicely.
I will be doing more articles around this,
but if you have questions, just ask. I will try to answer them.
The most important thing, have FUN. If it doesn't work out, no big
deal, you will find another date later on. They may find you.
Best of luck,
Frosty. |